Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
