Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
