My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
