If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
