Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
handjob tips. give me some.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
