i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
