shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
