Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
