I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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