I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
