i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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