I want to have your abortion
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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