Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
