when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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