I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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