White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
