did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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