Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
