No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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