drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
