Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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