remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
