3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
honey bunches of taint.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
