We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
