I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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