Im at strip club and am horny
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
