what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
