Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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