my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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