some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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