Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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