I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
