Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
