omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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