I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
