I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
