I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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