1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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