Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
