I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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