her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
