Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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