You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
