I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
