so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
