I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
