Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
