If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
