Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
