My hand turned me down
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
