even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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